OK.  So, if we are truly buying into these wise concepts which tell us that there is no new information, that we already Know everything we need to Know, that we are already Divinely Enlightened, and that it is more important than anything to follow our very own, unique, and self-created Path…then why in the world would we need or want or crave…a spiritual teacher?  Or guidance, for that matter?  Or another book on, How to Wake Up your Sacred Big Toe?  Or one more workshop teaching, Ten Steps to a More Spiritual Wardrobe?

Well, ponder this…  Sometimes, it is really, really challenging to see, and I mean really see, the Truth of who and what and where we actually are.  Many of us can get to a significant portion of our own Truth on our own.  But there generally comes a time when we begin to feel a bit stuck, or confused, or frustrated, or scared, or resistant.  Or, we may find ourselves flying along, blissfully doing our very own Spiritual Shuffle, when suddenly, KABAAM!  We call in an experience which takes every bit of our sparkly, Divine wind right out of our sails and we start to wonder (again) just what the heck this whole “waking up” deal is really all about.  Is it even possible?  Or important?  Or worth all the confusing, on-going challenge, for goodness sake?

A good teacher, especially at points like these, can be a light in the darkness, a reminder of why you feel so called to remember yourself so fully.  She can help illuminate parts of yourself which have remained hidden and diminished.  And she can support and soothe and reassure and empower.  But most of all, what a good teacher can do…is point.  Deftly point herself toward her own Divinity, and thus, just as deftly point you toward yours. 

Now, notice I am talking about a “good” teacher.  What exactly do I mean by this?  As a teacher myself, I have pondered, and contemplated, and squirmed, and squinted my way through this question many, many times over.  And I will undoubtedly continue to do so for as long as I feel called to teach.  What follows are some of the guidelines and reminders I have found helpful and supportive for myself as a teacher and as an on-going student of the Divine.

Oh, and I refer to the teacher here as “she” because, well, I am a she and it was just easier to write these this way than constantly using the “she/he” thing.  These guidelines apply to any teacher, no matter their gender, style, religion, beliefs, position, credentials, or galactic origins.  You get the picture…

One more thing.  This is not an exhaustive list.  Feel free to add to it, subtract from it, and modify it to suit your own Truth, wisdom and knowing.  I invite you to let this list be a catalyst for your own mind and heart in discovering what the really important and must-have qualities in a teacher are for you. 

Are You My Teacher?

*Your teacher teaches by example.  In other words, she walks her talk as often as possible – and when she doesn’t, she isn’t afraid to say so, and then do the work of getting to the bottom of what is going on for her.  We’re talking about integrity here.  Which in a spiritual teacher is…well…it’s almost everything. 

For instance, if she is teaching about intimate relationships, it’s really helpful if she’s in one.  You know, working it out, asking a million questions, and finding her own answers.  If she is helping you understand and work with your own emotions and feelings, it is imperative that she is skilled at understanding and working with her own.

There is really no way around this one.  I have experienced teachers teaching me about stuff they had not yet embodied or walked fully into.  It’s not an experience I care to repeat.  (At the same time though, giving myself that very experience is part of what has made my own integrity as a teacher so important to me.  Sigh…  The ever-present Divine paradox.

*She is not hung up in any way on anything which sounds or feels like, “My way or the highway.”  She honors the uniqueness and validity inherent in all paths.  She makes it very clear, very often, that she is there to support your own wild (or tame), crazy (or sane), and unique way.

*She has good boundaries.  OK.  Actually, she has great boundaries.  That’s how important this one is.  I had a teacher once who, smack in the middle of my time with her, decided she wanted me to be her “best friend”.  What?  After the initial ego-glow wore off, I became so confused and scared and angry, that our relationship truly began to fall apart.  I didn’t at the time understand what was happening, or how to skillfully handle it.  I mean, I was the student, right?  Wasn’t she supposed to have boundaries and skill and all that teacher-like stuff?  Well, in a perfect world, yes.  However, boundaries here have become very misunderstood and it can be relatively easy to find ourselves in a situation like this.  The tough part is that the student will often at first feel privileged or special or chosen – until that is, things start to get confusing – are you my teacher?  Are you my friend?  Are you my mother? 

The bottom line is your teacher is there to teach.  Period.  Relationship can and in fact must develop, but the boundaries around the teacher/student relationship are sacred and profoundly important to keep clean and clear.  And that, for the most part, is your teacher’s job.  You have your role in establishing your own boundaries, yes.  But you are also going to be deeply immersed in uncovering, discovering, and becoming YOU.  And that’s a big and vulnerable enough job without having to monitor your teacher for inappropriate behavior.  I mean, really.

*She is empowering.  Really, and truly empowering of you, your dreams, your Knowing, your wisdom, your skills, and your true heart.  In order to be this, your teacher needs to be free and clear of any unconscious, underlying agendas like keeping you where you are because she needs to feel needed or superior or wise.  Yup.  This absolutely happens.  A lot, actually.  Because teachers are human beings no matter how enlightened or wise they are.  Add to this the student who is hungry for answers and wisdom and connection, and who has learned to look outside of herself for these experiences.  You now have the perfect recipe for a potentially disempowering situation and relationship.  A spiritual teacher who has not done enough of her own inner work and become a relatively (at least!) healthy, conscious and aware human being, is going to unconsciously believe that she is the authority and will consequently be working out her stuff with and on…YOU.  Ummmm…no thanks.

*When you meet with your teacher you feel seen, heard, met, and understood, as well as more than a little bit challenged, stretched, and mystified.  You find things out about yourself which you always knew, but were afraid to Know.  There is a sense of the familiar in what your teacher is sharing, no matter how “out there” it gets.  And when you feel stuck or triggered or vulnerable, you also feel accepted, encouraged, and supported while you find the courage within to look at whatever has you all bound up.  Very rarely, if ever, do you feel flat out frightened, let alone terrified in her presence.  While fear is a normal part of the awakening process here, it should not be the most common experience with your teacher. 

*Your teacher laughs…a lot.  And you find yourself laughing a lot with her.  She knows how big and serious and forever life-changing all of this is.  But she also knows how to take it – and herself - lightly.  And let’s face it, a kick-ass sense of humor can go a long way toward soothing a frightened ego or an overworked, looping mind. 

*She does not collude with you on any level.  In other words, when you are uncomfortable and move into autopilot mode - cracking jokes, smiling really big, and basically trying to be anyplace other than where you are - she calls you on it.  Not in a mean-spirited way, but in a way which says, “Ummmm…  I can’t help but notice you’re smiling even though what we’re talking about is obviously really painful.  What do you think is going on?”  She will be a mirror into which you may look as long and as deeply as you like.  And there’s the kicker.  She is not going to force you into looking at or seeing anything.  She’ll leave it all up to you.  And that’s a really good thing.  ‘Cause we all know what we do when someone is trying to push us into going somewhere we are not ready to go – we’re either going to dig our righteous, cowgirl heels into the proverbial sand - as deeply as we possibly can, or we’re going to push ourselves right over the edge into someplace we are totally unprepared to enter.  A gentle nudge here or there, a little Divine kick in the pants now and then, fine.  But watch out for the push that has you feeling as though you’re contemplating jumping out of a plane with no parachute. 

*Your teacher does not give you answers.  What?  Yes, it’s true.  Believe it or not, you have not called in your perfect, most-wise spiritual teacher to give you the answers to your most important, long-standing questions on the meaning of life and what the hell you’re doing here anyway.  Turns out, you’ve called her in to help you find your own answers.  And even though she encourages you to ask your heart-felt questions about life, love, and all things spiritual, she recognizes that it would just be no fun what-so-ever to rob you of your powerfully sacred process of regaining your curiosity, your imagination, and your genuine love of the discovery of your own Knowing. 

Nothing, nothing teaches us more radically or deeply than our own experience.  If you had someone sitting there in front of you, giving you all the answers (no matter how much you think you would absolutely LOVE it), well…what would you do then?  You’d come up with new questions!  Because you really, truly do so love the game of forgetting and remembering, forgetting and remembering.  Really.  Trust me on this one.  I wouldn’t lie to you.  Really.

*She is not all about you “feeling better”.  She knows that what is good for you is that you’re feeling.  Period.  And since she is not afraid of her own emotions, she isn’t afraid of yours either.  So you can let ‘em rip.  She’s right there beside you, knowing that all is well, that your emotional floodgate opening is healthy and wise, and that in feeling your feelings, you are well on your way to some real and radical personal freedom.

*After you sit with your teacher, you often have the feeling that you’ve just remembered something important about yourself, or your life, or why your relationships are so challenging, or how to make the best chocolate chip cookies on the planet.  Something will have come to life within you which had been dormant or playing hide-and-seek or too scared to show itself.  It may just feel as if you’ve found that missing piece to your Heart-Puzzle which is mostly blue sky with a wisp of white, fluffy cloud and the tiniest bit of raven’s wing beginning to show.  And that is a very, very wonderful feeling.

*With your teacher, you know that whenever the time is right – after an hour, a day, a month, a year, or a decade, you are free and able to leave, to move on to the next part of your journey.  Your teacher in no way entices you to stay longer than what is in absolute alignment with your own Knowing.  In fact, all through your time with her, she makes it clear that you do not need her.  That you are working together because you have chosen to do so.  She did not unconsciously (or consciously!) recruit, or grab, or seduce you (as one of my teachers would say, “The teacher does not seek the student, the student must seek the teacher).  And she deeply knows that you would be absolutely fine without her in your life, that your time together is a gift for both of you which will, inevitably, end one way or another. 

This is very important to understand, for it is relatively easy for a co-dependent relationship to evolve unless both teacher and student are paying conscious attention to this one.  You are a dynamic, ever-changing Being and as such, will undoubtedly invite many, many teachers into your life.  Each one will share her own gifts and challenges and wisdoms which will be appropriate and rockin’ for where you are in those moments.  And then, hopefully on fire with all of your new, rad understandings, genuinely brilliant knowings, and life-changing Truths, you will move on.  Inching ever closer to that which you will eventually completely embody as the truth of the luscious, magnificent You.

*And last but not least, as you work with your teacher, you will notice that you and your life are…well…different.  Your inner life and your outer life are singing more in tune with the music of your own inner Knowing.  And as this happens, you notice your relationships are starting to hummmmm.  Life often now just seems easier, and you feel lighter and more available to yourself throughout each experience you call in, as it unfolds.  You have much greater access to your feelings which you are now so willing to feel.  Deeply.  And your courage, trust, and awareness in and of yourself are growing exponentially.  As you courageously dive further and further into yourself, you are learning that you actually like what you are seeing.  And in fact, if you really step back and look, your spiritual journey is turning out to be quite fun and even magical!  And there it is.  The sure sign that you are on the Path which is just right for you and your own unique brand of Being and breathing and becoming.   

So…why have a teacher?  Because you’re that committed to finding and knowing your Self, because you know you can do this, and because, while you know you’ll be doing 90% of the work on your own, you also know it is just way more fun and so much easier to have a friend walking beside you for part of the way. 

Now that you know what to look for, keep your eyes and ears and heart open, be choosy, trust what you feel, and keep placing one foot in front of the other.  Because, as the saying goes, “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.”   Abra Cadabra.  Just like that.